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  Afro Fatherhood

black_dad (17K)Man and Fatherhood: Something worth thinking about
By T. Duffy

I always wondered why it's easier for young black men to find fault with their fathers, even if they were around during their childhood. Considering the circumstances many fathers still have to deal with even being successful, just adding that it should make them wonder about their own future. Besides, most have no idea what motivates or restrain fathers, since they are really a subordinate.

Somehow complaining about some degree of discipline, it's often more severe coming from him then their mother. Is this because they believe their mother should have some entitlement because they were brought into this world through her? Maybe it's something we all should think about.

I've listened to young guy's resentment towards their fathers and wondered if they really believed they would grow up to become something other than an adult male. I often wondered if they thought they would be different with their own children, not knowing any objection is more common when it involves the male. This isn't only how I feel, it's a fact.

Yes, young women do complain about their fathers, but this relates only to young black males. Why is there no sense of compassion for fathers who's in the life of their children over those not being around at all? Why do the positives in some situations, rarely supersede the negatives? Question, how or when would a father's existence allow some appreciation in the memory of children who seemed to feel he failed them? Even for men who reach out to their children, shared parenting has become an issue because he's often the plaintiff.

First, this is not a way to compare men to women to show how either may affect their children, but it could help to create a dialogue amongst younger men about something they have yet thought about. If they are already fathers or expect to be, maybe they'll realize men have been dealing with this dilemma for generations, especially black men. Here's another question.

What's inherent in a man to cause him to be blamed as being the source that create anomaly in someone's life? Since we hear frequent accusation about fathers primarily from sons, when should blame take a back seat to perception, if son's realizes the possibility for them becoming fathers also? Is there something written that says men must minimize their parental commitment according to how it will affect others? Does it also say they are here to only perpetuate life and labor? Neither is probably true, because I also feel this has become a social precondition.

Since white men are as susceptible to these same assessments, their persona has always been troubling for others, especially blacks. Although we can't push aside the violence, but it's their presents that caused the worse for most, since it's often intimidating and restraining.

Of course this is only my theory, but it's to ask more questions why men in general give less admiration to other men, remembering it was mostly men who felt the sting of the master's whip during slavery.

If I'm around when my adult children talk about me I listen closely, because I take nothing for granted. Even though I've never heard any of it to be harsh, it still sounds different when their mother becomes part of the equation. But if there was some debate or criticism, I know there's no way they would ever believe I could have been mistreated by her in any way, even if that existed.

Although there can be no substitute for men considering the way it's always been from the beginning of time, it still leaves me to almost be sure men have an antithesis feeling about themselves and towards other men. To interject a little criticism to prove this, even knowing most of this falls upon me.

Women may quarrel because they disagree, but they don't usually kill each other over minor disputes or when someone's looking at their mate. Yes, that may be extreme, but obviously we've heard of it, so this characteristic doesn't exist in most women. Secondly, there's less comradeship amongst men, unless there's something in particular to bring them together. There's no commonality just because they're men. On the other hand women are never or rarely confused about what side she owes her allegiance too, even if she's married.

Question; would women setting aside a month to celebrate themselves have any significance for them? If so, it would also prove where their allegiance lies. Unfortunately, men have yet been that dedicated to each other to feel the same. Any approval from a man will often cause some degree of apprehension, which may also question the intention of the individual's admiration.

Yet men are critical and will often try to set the standards of other men using themselves as the gauge. So could the age gap between father and son cause younger men to feel the way they do about their relationship with their father? Even at a young age and sometimes with fewer responsibilities, do they still believe they could take on the job better?

If there's something spiritual, psychological or theoretically inclusive to cause them to fall short of personal or social expectations, maybe it's time for younger men to examine it more deeply since most will find themselves in the middle of this dilemma. Those who may challenge what's said here may not know it has a necessary dynamic for all men, since it has always determined if they fail or succeed.

© Mar 2009 T. Duffy || [TOP]


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