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This social epidemic did not begin in the last 10 years, when the United States government began imprisoning Black men or when the AIDs virus started spreading to the DL brothers, no. Nor did it begin in the nineties when welfare dispersed Black women and children and the child support system began targeting Black men for social and economical disempowerment, no. This problem began, believe it or not, in the late sixties, early seventies, when women tore the aprons from their waist and left the kitchen.
As of now, Black women have given up on their European-fabled storybook prince and have realized that Euro-fantasy is for Euros only. They now seek for their Black King, the one they hope somehow seeps through the Black man's American likeness and communicate their African royalty, even though in the long run, that idea will fade too. Finally, in a broad reach under the concept of faith, Black women fill the churches gleaning the isles for the first sign of their God-given husband, but will soon become conscious of the fact that the church does not provide men, only God does. So what now?
The Internet has become a breeding ground for dating and matchmaking and Black women seem to have finally found a place to distribute their solitary portfolios. Many have secretly tried the Internet at one time or another and some have been successful in finding a man, but many have not. In this new age trend of matchmaking, the ones that have not found a man or the right man should not blame men but seriously consider the 10 sociological variables below.
Love is not an ingredient - sometime during the early 70s, love in marriage was replaced with convenience. More people married for financial security than for true love so true love lost its meaning two generations ago. Fifty-year anniversaries are now a thing of the past being replaced with titles of second and third marriages. Instead of love and commitment, finding a successful man became the top selling point because women needed to shake their traditional roles as wives and mothers so to camouflage their person in independence instead, which takes us to number 2.
The women's movement demands independence - more women have become independent and not in need of a man as provider. They have started providing for themselves and their children thus the role of husbands and fathers have become obsolete. Because of this change in the female attitude, men have had to accept this diminished social role in need of an alternative place in society. The modern-day paradox in the demand of women is how they proclaim they want a man who will allow them their independence.
Divorce courts have control of the family - with the courts siding overwhelmingly with women in divorce, more men are finding it economically unfeasible and more risky to become married or committed for too long. The rise of prenuptial agreements brought pre-marriage suspicion to both men and women causing both to choose carefully their next spouse. Tug-o-war over children and the psychological damage divorce have on children gave even more reason for couples to forego marriage and simply live together. Furthermore, child support and alimony laws placed a strain on already strained relationships which sent the abortion rate ever higher.
Higher rates of sexual promiscuity and disease - marital affairs increased during the seventies and more marriages broke up giving way to freelance dating, the singles scene and nightclub hoping. As a result, new sexual diseases entered the social scene and protected sex became mandatory from bars to jobs to schools, thus reducing the nature of human intimacy. To this day, the capacity for couples to have unprotected sex - the way it was meant - has now become a health hazard.
Broken families bring drama - Black women have become very choosey when searching for a man and have placed "no drama" at the top of their prerequisites. This desire is becoming increasingly minimal because the more marriages and relationships breakup, the more chance there is in dealing with old feelings. But like the problems that come with a used car, one has to accept it "AS IS" or not at all. Most women choose not to accept it "AS IT' and reduce their chances on a grand scale because most men either have been married or had previous relationships gone bad. Finding a man without drama is like a man finding a virgin at 30, the chances are slim to none.
The definition of a man - because society has broken the family into pieces, a man can no longer be considered, realistically or legally, one that supports his family or families. A man today is one that is simply around when a woman needs him and for whatever reason she needs him. Like truth is in the eye of the beholder, so is what a man is to women today. One woman's man could simply be another woman's dog and vise versa. Nor can a man be considered someone who raises his children or has a good job because any role as a provider has been made null by the independence factor of the woman.
Importance of social circumstances, stigmas and status - superficiality play a huge part in choosing a mate, friend, or associate. If material things, social status or job position is important to a woman, she will satisfy only that which is empty in her superficial world. But the needs that lie deep within her will be left void when the time comes leaving a door open to someone who she knows can fill that void. Shallow conversation and physical attraction will lead that woman around until she realizes what is really important and if it takes years for her to learn, it will be years she will go from man to man to man, searching. As a result, bad boys, thugs and conmen will always find a way into her shallow heart, home, and bank account.
Men raised by women - two generations of men from ages 18-35 today, were raised mainly by women. Generation X and the now gen Y are cohorts of men who had little to no contact with a father figure. The independent lifestyle and the "I do not need a man" mindset in women resisted the man as the father in more households during the seventies and eighties than anytime in history. As a result, the men that grew in those eras were not groomed as providers and fathers, but as mama's boys and spoiled pretty boys. Without the correct amount of discipline and family structure, they sought out organization in gang life, drugs, crime or as players or controllers of women. They were not taught to respect women and provide for them as women, but they instead learned to treat them as objects, releasing childhood frustrations of being controlled by a woman.
The feminization of America - in a span of 3 decades, men have become more feminine in behavior and lifestyle. The woman's movement have forced its way into society and reversed the roles of men and women to the blurred point of confusion. What women need naturally is not being fulfilled by the men of today because they have inordinate affections toward women and toward other men. Homosexuality is growing on both ends from a blatant level and spreading throughout society taking hold of unsuspecting minds and altering men into a softer form.
Lack of self-knowledge - too many women have no real clue as to what they truly need. They say they want a man who "this" or a man who "that," but the "this and that" changes as the times and social circumstances change. Because the family unit has broken down and there is no sharply defined roles for the man or the woman, women do not fully comprehend what it is they really want or need from a man let alone their own wants and needs. Ask a five-year old child if they would rather have a bag full of candy or a scholarship to college, and most will choose the bag of candy because it is a temporal satisfaction.
A conscious woman will view the social circumstances above and draw a clear conclusion in helping her find a good man. The problem is not necessarily that men are no good, all the good men are taken or that God does not want you to have a man; the problem is that changing times have weaken the true essence of the man and of marriage and replaced them both with a mirror image of a society gone astray.
Women must learn to discern between what is real and what is not in order to draw closer to the true characterization of a man. She must strip all the social negatives off the men she meets as well as herself and look deep into that man and into her self and find the true nature of a relationship and the real meaning of what a marriage should be.© Jan 2009 by CR Hamilton
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